We have been doing the dating challenge this month and when I asked you for your top reasons why you don’t date – time was at the top of the list.

The irony? Some of the first people who answered were my friends on Facebook – one of my biggest time suckers if I’m not careful. (Anyone else? Or am I alone in this?)

I know you are going to expect me to say things like “Give up 30 minutes of TV,” and for some of us, that may be required, but I also know that your 60 minutes of Glee may be the only real downtime that you have. (And by downtime, I mean watching Glee, folding laundry, paying bills on your laptop and packing kids school lunches in the next room…)

So here are a few things that have been working for me lately. (As technology changes, so does my list of how to save time.)

1. Getting Groceries Delivered  When I’m on deadline for writing a book, and showering suddenly becomes optional, I go to my saved list on Safeway.com and have my groceries delivered to me. Sometimes I get coupons in my e-mail for free delivery, and sometimes it costs me around $7. But, if $7 can be traded for a shower, I’m on board. Another variation on this is to swap off with a neighbor for that mid-week Oh no we are out of milk and peanut butter. Be sure to give detailed lists so it doesn’t create more problems than it’s worth.
2. Making the Kids Do It  OK, if your child is 18 months, skip this tip. Wait – no! Read it! Be planning in advance when your kids can take over certain chores – dishes, garbage, vacuuming, sweeping and mopping. Training ‘em early, train ‘em young, train ‘em often…
3. Limit Computer Time  I am now trying to give myself a two hour window each night where I don’t get on the computer for work, play or Facebook.  When 90% of your job is on your HP laptop, that can be a challenge, but I have found that if I know I am going to have a definite end to my work day, I tend to get more things finished than if I fool myself into believing I have all night.
4. Make an Appointment with Your TV  Remember when we were growing up and we knew we had to be home on Thursday nights because that was the night that The Cosby Show was on (OK, maybe it was just me who had a thing for Heathcliff…)? Now I never know what night anything is on because our TIVO is recording something, every moment of the day. How great – I can watch anytime I want. The problem? I can watch anytime I want. I am setting aside some time to watch the shows I really love (Modern Family, Kell on Earth, 30 Rock etc.) and shutting off the TV so I don’t watch hours of Dateline on ID. (OK, if I am sick in bed with a cold I will have an ID marathon…)
5. Nighttime Routines Setting the coffee the night before, putting out my walk-the-dog tennies, packing up my bag to put by the front door the night before, all of these little items not only get me out the door faster in the morning, but they let me sleep better the night before as I don’t wake up every three minutes thinking to myself “Wait, did I remember to…?”

Q4U – What is the best time-saving tip you have been using lately? Please share your wisdom in the comments below. I would love to put together a resource of all the best ideas – won’t you contribute your brilliance?

I HIGHLY suggest that you make a point of getting away together with your man, by yourselves, at least a couple of times a month. HOWEVER – sometimes the only way you can date is accompanied by some of the shorter people in your family.

So I asked readers of my newsletter what some of their favorite kid dates were. Here are just some of my favorite answers… (more to come over the next couple of posts.)

We have several things that we do with our kids in tow, but I have one favorite date in mind.  We order in a pizza, rent a movie, start a fire and roast some marshmallows (maybe even do smores), blow up a mattress and watch a movie by the fire with the kiddos.  We then put the kids down to bed and sleep in the living room on the blow-up mattress by the fire by ourselves.  It is a lot of fun and makes great memories for the kiddos too.

MISTY CARRUTH

We go to a local shopping area in Allen, Texas.  They have a really big fenced in outdoor play area for the kids. There are also restaurants and ice cream/coffee shops nearby.  We get dinner/dessert for all and head to the play area.  There are picnic tables and all inside.  So, we let the kids run and play and hubby and I get a date while the kids occupy themselves with the play area.  We can see them from one end to the other when we sit in the middle.  It never seems to be crowded and because it is outdoors you get to take advantage of stargazing while enjoying each others company.

Janeen

I like to get a bunch of nickles and little Dixie paper cups and head to the local fish hatchery where we buy fish food and feed the fish.  There are rows and rows of fish and they fight for the food.  We love doing that.

We love to go to the drive-in movies and get a  pizza or subs sandwiches and have a tail gate party before the movie stars.

Linda Kaehler

Q4U – What are some of your favorite kid-appropriate dates?

We are continuing with our cheap dates week and I want to show you what one clever blogger did with the dating kit that I sent her.  Check out Spotted Smiles Blog to see the VERY creative way of using the dating kit. (It required her husband to get a facial – and I am glad to say he was man enough to do it!) It is worth going over to her blog and read all about it!!

Have you entered our dating contest? You could win some very big prizes! Check out this blog post and see how to enter!

My assistant, Monica, has been doing a lot of babysitting recently for many families from her church, for friends and friends of friends.  I’ve asked her to write a little about what babysitters wish the parents would have done/told her.
Recently I have been doing a lot of babysitting.  I went from doing it about once a month to 2-3 times a week.  I have absolutely loved it as it lets me get to know the kids better from church (I’m the Children’s Ministry Director) and it lets me get to be a part of families that might not be open to setting foot in a church.  The kids have ranged in age from just a few months to twelve years old and some of the kids i’ve known since they were born and others I met for the first time as I walked into their homes.

• Lists. I LOVE lists.  While babysitting, lists in my opinion are a way to help keep children in their day to day routine, while their parents are away.  It is great to know the times for everything (snack, bath, meals, bed) as well as little notes like favorite cups/plates or books that will help make meal or bedtime more smooth.  It’s great to have it on a list because you can refer back to it throughout your time there rather than having to rack your brain for what the parent said as they were trying to leave the house.
• How stuff works. Stuff that is second nature to you might be the first time that your babysitter has seen this particular model.  I’m a little embarrassed to admit this one, but dropping the sides of some cribs is difficult.  They all have their own special tricks and when you have a sleeping (or nearly asleep child in your arms) its not the best time to figure out how to drop the side of the crib.  While some sitters might not have a problem with this, I’m quite short and can’t really reach over the side of the crib.  I’m also sure that i’m not the only one who has struggled with a baby gate that’s both child and 27 year old proof.  (There was one time I was pretty sure I was going to be stuck upstairs until the parents got home because I could not figure out how to operate the gate–good thing there was an 8 year old to show me how it worked!)  I also have some very fancy friends who have technical entertainment systems and it’s always nice to have a quick tutorial if they are going to be out late and the kids will be in bed early.
• Pay. This is an awkward one.  I don’t really have a rate as some people ask.  It is even more awkward when they ask you with an open checkbook.  It’s always easier and less awkward when the parent either states what they are able to pay upfront or the price is agreed upon before hand.  I usually just tell the parent to pay me whatever they are comfortable with or able to.
• Clean or dirty. Is the dishwasher clean or dirty?  I hate parents having to come home to a sinkful of dishes, so it’s nice to know if the dishwasher is clean or dirty.  When I’m in doubt, I just end up hand washing everything.

The second most noted reason for not dating besides the lack of a babysitter was the cost of dating. So here is a quick list of ideas for dating on a budget:

Have some cut of meat in the deep freeze? Find a recipe that has some ingredients you already have on hand and then challenge yourself to make a fab dessert for under $7. cooking together is prefered.  Look at this recipe for Velvet Painting Pie from A Daily Recipe Blog. Um. yum.

• Two reasonably Tall Drinks at Starbucks.

• Three Redbox Movies (One guy movie, One girl movie, and one you can agree on…) 2 bags of popcorn and some Crysal Light.

• Four episodes of The Office on a DVD from Netfilx (this can be free if you finally return that once DVD that has been hanging around your house for a month.)

• Buying a small bottle of massage lotion from Bath and Body and give each other a 5 minute massage.

• Have breakfast in bed. The night before get a half dozen of donuts and the newspaper. Set the coffee pot the night before and wake up to the smell of fresh-brewed Columbian Roast and the funny papers.

I would love to have your creative ideas for saving money but still dating. 

Q4U – What is your favorite date to do on a budget?

There has been some great advice and tips given so far this week.  Today’s question is, what do you leave for the babysitter?  Do you leave a list with the important information and detailed schedule of the kids routine?  Do you just toss out some pj’s?  Are snacks and dinner planned out?   Are you lucky enough to have people who know your family so well they have the whole routine down?

What do you leave for your babysitters?

How many of you are participants in a babysitting co-op?  If you are not (or have never heard of one) are you interested in starting one in your neighborhood.  Below is the advice of some moms who have found babysitting co-ops to be invaluable.

Amy:

I’ve done 2 different types of babysitting swaps/co-ops. Both might not be considered a co-op because it’s not a big group – but regardless, I love it and it works!

I have one friend that we swap kids/errands – she will watch the four kids while I go to Target, Safeway or Costco and get both of our lists done. We just decide who is the errand runner and who has the kids based on our load – that is, who needs some alone time

I also have multiple friends that we will babysit swap – one of us gets date night on Fri night, the other on Sat night. What I really love is the down time when I babysit! When you put your friend’s kids to bed and you are alone in someone else’s house, you don’t have any laundry or dishes, etc to do – so I bring over a book, my laptop or just relax and watch TV – all by myself – it’s great!

Julie:

We have a point system that we use to keep track of sits and keep it fair.  You get 20 points when you join the group.  One point per hour for the first child, 1/2 point per hour for any additional children.  For example, if someone watches my three kids for 2 hours, they earn 4 points.  We exchange popsicle sticks to keep track of our points.

The reason we use popsicle sticks is to make the payments more tangible. We used to take turns being a “secretary” and that person would keep track of everyone’s points (instead of exchanging sticks).  This became a problem because one family kept in the “negative” month after month even though she knew that she was in the red.  (Even though, according to the by-laws,  she wasn’t supposed to even ASK for sits because she was in the red, and she continued to and one of the other very nice moms could never say no.  The nice mom became very resentful).

We also keep a directory of which everyone has a copy.  This includes parents’ names, phone numbers for home and work and cell, pediatrician’s name and number, hospital preference (God forbid!), childrens’ birthdates & allergies.  Also answers the questions, “Is your home child-proofed?  any pets?  smokers?  guns?”

Beside the obvious benefit of free babysitting…the new friendships that we have made have been awesome!  These are the neighbors I know I can always count on, and we have so much fun with them.

Tami:

We used a plus/minus system.   Additions/Subtractions were calculated per child (1 hr for 1 child, 2 hr for 2 children, etc.)  Each member rotated being the bookkeeper (commitment of one month) and at that time was kept in a binder.  Now could be online. The person doing the sitting called in hours and received the credit while hours were deducted from the other.  No one could have a debit of more than 10 at any time.  We had two dozen members.

The best benefit was meeting other women with children with the same ages as mine.  Also, I was a stay at home mom and that allowed me to do things without kids during the day.  I rarely used this at night, but did in a pinch.

I would do it again in a heartbeat!  I made lasting friends who I still keep in touch with in IL (I am now in TX and my kids are 27 and 30)

It is great how many of y’all have promised to date your spouse in the next two weeks!   Today’s step in the dating process is figuring out ways to find an affordable and reliable babysitter.   In the comments, share your experiences and your advice to help other moms!

OK – I know I am going to get some comments on this post.

Let me be clear – while I am using the word “date” really what I am talking about is making time to connect with your spouse. I just happen to think dating is one of the best ways to do that.

With that being said, I am worried about the lack of dating among my friends (both flesh friends and webby buddies.)

In the survey results, the number one reason for people not dating was babysitting issues – not being able to afford said babysitter, or trust the ones you can afford. (Two of the people who commented were 1. My brother and 2. My neighbor Karyn. I love both of their kids so I guess it is time for Auntie Kathi to step up!)

But the second most popular reason was a lack of time in order to go out together. And that’s just a crying shame.

I have had several friends who have recently gone through empty nest syndrome. (No danger of that around here. Justen just told us he wanted to go for a master’s degree after college at San Jose State. Roger and I will never be alone…) But these moms have gone through the same pattern – gearing up to get the kids out of the house, then turning around and realizing the only one left is their hubby. Since she has spent so much of her life pouring into her kiddos, there hasn’t been a lot of time left over for bonding with her husband. Now – he is the only one left and she realizes that they haven’t talked about anything except the kids since 1995.

I know – at this point, you feel like the kids will never leave. But that is even more reason to date while the kiddos are at home.

It is so important that you not only be mom and dad, but that you be husband and wife first. Your kids will experience a deeper sense of security if they know that their parents are a cohesive team.

So if it is a choice between dating your spouse and one more activity for your kids, I vote for dating.

It is a great way to teach your kids:

1. Mom and dad are real people and really like hanging together – even without kids.

2. They are not the center of the earth.

Thanks to everyone who took the time here on the blog and on Facebook to answer why it is so hard to date your spouse. Here is the list of reasons from most popular to least:

1. Babysitting
2. Time
3. Money
4. Is it really worth the effort?
5. Kids Activities
6. Exhausted
7. Lack of Planning

Y’all feeling like you are in pretty good company?

Over the next two weeks, we are going to be brainstorming here on the blog about how to get that time, energy, and reliable babysitter in order to date your mate.

And here is my challenge: Would you date your mate once in the next two weeks?

If it has to be an at home date, that still counts. But I just want you to set aside some time to make it happen. I promise, we are going to give you tons of ideas and motivation, but it is up to you to make it happen.

So – can you- by Sunday March 7th – date your mate? If so, put your pledge in the comments and we will give you everything you need to make it happen.